I come to this place again, again and again and oh how could I surrender to this broken heart, to the eclipses that come and call my name. And how my heart breaks and will break again will all of the injustices of this world, and how it was broken when I was just a young child. But believe me I heard his voice when he said to me "Go forth". I told him again and again and again how I had loved him, and he had shown me more than their face value wisdom and made me strong. And again, again and again they had gotten close, so so close to me, so close that I was scared the strength of mine against all of their fragility would result in their death. I once went under, went under the water when I was a child, almost drowned and got to the last rung of conciousness until my grandfather pulled me back up, there I was down on my knees gasping for air and after the incident I realized that your most vulnerable when your not on your knees. Felt his hand upon my back and heard the words that had told me "be still". And with the breaking, the breaking and the rebreaking of my heart I had learned to live, to live to the fullest until I would set ablaze just like the phoenix and with the crashing, the horrible crashing into the fires and into the flames I would soon resurrect. Would be brought to my knees again again and again only to become stronger through the breaking of my heart. And oh how they would stare at me in awe, how the would stare in disbelief because they could not understand, could not muster the intelligence from their tiny heads. And as I'd tell myself it's ok that they don't understand your unique self, they never will and they don't have to. And again as they'd stare at me i'd hear His voice saying "Be still, just be still" It wouldn't be the last time that I found myself down on my knees again, wouldn't be the first time that my eyes had been opened to more than just the ignorance of this happy world filled with lies. And with the judgement that was constantly passed upon me from their judgemental eyes I learned to go inside of myself and to hide. And could I pray for it all, pray for it all to be over? Could I pray for it all to be what I had wanted it to be, pray for it all, for the pain to be over as I had surrendered a happy surrender in love. And when I hit twelve I learned that it was, that all it ever was and would be was a pack of religious lies. And could you sypmathize, could you understand where my twelve year old mind went as I watched my godfather surrender as he cried. But could they understand him? Could they ever fucking understand the greatness inside of that man? I don't think so, and so there I went down on my knees again, crying so hard I was gasping for air. The floodgates had been opened, and there I was down on the floor on my hands and knees and where was everybody else? Where was that great congregation of singing saints, of prophets and phrophetesses who could profesai like never before? Now do you see? Now do you see me? Now do you believe again? Tell me, truelly tell me do you believe in the words of the pulpit again after hearing my story? Now hear my heart break with that inustice and with that deadly fate. But I, I will always remember my godfather, will always remember his innocent fate again, again, again, again and again.
I'm not sure why I feel this way about you; perhaps its because of these dreams I have about you. But I will ironically be the last to know that you love me. And sadly without you I don't feel whole and I wonder why. Can you honestly tell me we shouldn't try this together? My tears have turned the tides, can you tell? Love is a funny thing and yet one more often than not wishes for it to be over. And the funny thing is this world is another mans dream and was never for me. I am the greates thinker you may ever meet. But many could care less due to their dreamworld reality. And could I forget the country from which I get my bumpkin rootes? Just like a childish disease this greed makes my mind want to use my hands to bring love to life. And yet these days go by and still I think about all of the words you said to me when I was at my worst. Days and days seem to go by and still I think about you. Repetition, repetition, repetition without you my dear. But this is it can you hear me? Can you hear the stars come out like I do? And when you've lost everything you can lose I would've offered all of mine. The storm makes me believe that I can be almost anything if I just believe. Nothing is ever as it seems so why should I stop believing?
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